[god. that was a lot, especially experiencing it in that way; it takes a moment for him to come out of it and shake it off, but fortunately, identities give him some experience in resurfacing from memories that don't really belong to him.
it's-- well, it leaves him unsettled, but all he says at first is:]
Does it? [ it's a tentative tone, light and like he's ready to talk his way out of it in case this conversation goes poorly. granted, considering who gregor is, he thinks maybe it can't be that awful. ]
[ okay. there is a slight laugh to that since it does ease the tension a little. ]
I don't know if it's better or worse to say we had a serial killing case we were working on back home, actually. [ don't just fucking say that. ] I think I've just been really good at hiding how well I'm handling all of this.
To be fair, solving the case was more Mizuki's job than mine. [ surprise! that is not his babysitter! that's his fwend...... ]
...some parts of the City felt a little familiar, but no offense, I think I'll stick with Tokyo. [ ... ] I never...it took me a few years to really learn what happened to my body. I knew about the experiments when I was 12 and stole that file, but I couldn't figure out everything back then. And when I confronted the director of the institute he just acted like nothing was wrong and threatened me if I told anybody. It became pretty obvious a few years later.
Saying you should be grateful because now you're special. [ softly. this is actually not something he wanted to have in common with anyone here, and he looks at his metal hand for a second. he should really get this removed and get his real arm back, but hm. surgery still scary. ]
[he says, finding a spot to take a seat, arms propped on his knees.
his gaze flicks to the tattoo on his left arm.]
...I ended up their most successful case, more or less. Only one who didn't get the same side effects and mutations. But that doesn't make it much different.
They could've gotten other people to fight in their war. Volunteers, even. [ he's mad! he like. knows the language is foreign, but he can't quite interpret it. ]
I can't say I blame you. It might even be better not to know. [ ... ] And there's no way to change it for you either, is there?
[ he frowns deeply to that. how can anybody even make rational decisions when they're that young? he doesn't need guesses, but he wonders if it's appropriate to ask.
he does anyway. ]
How many times did you try? [ how many times did you fight against your own body to try and regain some autonomy? ]
[that was all that it took, to know it was futile.]
I didn't... do it myself. [he didn't have the will for that.] But it would act on its own. React to my own stress, or strong emotions. It turned on a person, once.
[he recalls it clearly. her terror, with the blade of his arm at her throat. pulling against it with all his might while it refused to budge.]
Security-- I yelled at them to cut it, and they finally did. But after that...
...that's pretty horrifying. [ he has at least never had that kind of traumatic side effects. his are more a slow-dawning horror of everything in the world changing around him but he never will. ] How...so it's another one of those things where you really have to stay calm in order to control it. Or did it get better and more adjusted after that?
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[god. that was a lot, especially experiencing it in that way; it takes a moment for him to come out of it and shake it off, but fortunately, identities give him some experience in resurfacing from memories that don't really belong to him.
it's-- well, it leaves him unsettled, but all he says at first is:]
I-- guess that explains a couple things.
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[joking, probably. trying to lighten this up juuust a little. (but it is kind of true.)]
You've been... you know. Taking everything pretty well. Usually means you've had to do it before.
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I don't know if it's better or worse to say we had a serial killing case we were working on back home, actually. [ don't just fucking say that. ] I think I've just been really good at hiding how well I'm handling all of this.
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[shoma can handle a serial killer, sure.]
...think you have been, though, yeah. I mostly just, uh-- thought you might be a little closer to a kid from the City.
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...some parts of the City felt a little familiar, but no offense, I think I'll stick with Tokyo. [ ... ] I never...it took me a few years to really learn what happened to my body. I knew about the experiments when I was 12 and stole that file, but I couldn't figure out everything back then. And when I confronted the director of the institute he just acted like nothing was wrong and threatened me if I told anybody. It became pretty obvious a few years later.
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[of course they are.
which feels like a good time for shoma to get a little context, through a memory of gregor's in turn. runs to 1:32:04.]
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wow...same hat. ]
...they really are all like that.
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[he mutters quietly, reaching up and rubbing at his face.]
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Fifteen's pretty young.
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[he says, finding a spot to take a seat, arms propped on his knees.
his gaze flicks to the tattoo on his left arm.]
...I ended up their most successful case, more or less. Only one who didn't get the same side effects and mutations. But that doesn't make it much different.
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It's still something you didn't need or want in the first place. [ ... ] Did they ever at least tell you why they were doing this?
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[the resilience of bugs makes a good trait for war, doesn't it?
he notes shoma looking, but he doesn't try to cover it. it's almost always out there anyway-- same as his callsign here. ungeziefer.]
...she called mine a present. Investment. Said there's more to it than the arm. But-
Honestly, I don't care about finding out what else she did to me.
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I can't say I blame you. It might even be better not to know. [ ... ] And there's no way to change it for you either, is there?
[ no reversal. ]
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[you know. normal things.
at that question, though, he huffs out a breath.]
...one of the things that's special about my arm's the regeneration.
[three guesses how he knows. the last two don't count.]
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he does anyway. ]
How many times did you try? [ how many times did you fight against your own body to try and regain some autonomy? ]
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[that was all that it took, to know it was futile.]
I didn't... do it myself. [he didn't have the will for that.] But it would act on its own. React to my own stress, or strong emotions. It turned on a person, once.
[he recalls it clearly. her terror, with the blade of his arm at her throat. pulling against it with all his might while it refused to budge.]
Security-- I yelled at them to cut it, and they finally did. But after that...
Just turned on them instead.
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...that's pretty horrifying. [ he has at least never had that kind of traumatic side effects. his are more a slow-dawning horror of everything in the world changing around him but he never will. ] How...so it's another one of those things where you really have to stay calm in order to control it. Or did it get better and more adjusted after that?